Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
Quick update on me, CD32
Today marks CD32. EDIT: Tomorrow will officially be CD1 for me, as my spotting has turned into AF officially. On to Round 3.
I feel like this cycle is easier than last cycle. You would think it would be harder, but maybe I’ve just become apathetic, hardened…numb to the fact that this Clomid isn’t working for me. It’s just so robotic and business-like for me. I realized I had AF…”Oh, time to call the doctor and schedule that Round 3 ultrasound appointment!” “Oh, better call in my third round of Clomid to the pharmacy!” I feel like maybe I am stuffing my feelings a bit…becoming angry, slightly bitter, but instead…apathetic to it all, rather than break down and cry. I’d like to think I am hitting a point where I am finding acceptance of my situation and things uncontrollable by me, but I am honest with myself and my blog readers…I am not sure if that is what it is.
Either way, I cannot express how much Kristin is an inspiration to me over at her blog, with her positive, upbeat energy, even through the storm. I had a very “normal,” “textbook” cycle this month…and I have received what I prayed to and longed to God for…hope. That window of opportunity at the end of a two week wait where I have that “chance” to be pregnant. To be able to have a “normal” length cycle on these medications, and to be able to test at the end. I longed and prayed for that after a very short, disappointing first cycle on Clomid, and he has answered my prayers this month.
I am a bit nervous and anxious about my internal ultrasound…what will my ovaries look like after three rounds of Clomid? Will it even show any developed follicles? Will my cysts be larger or will there be more of them? It is scary, and everything is unknown right now. I need to take it one day at a time for right now, because it is all extremely overwhelming.
July 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Kristin said:
So as I was reading along I was crying with you where you could not bring the tears, because I know just how you feel …
And then I get to my own name and literally laugh at being described as upbeat and positive through the storm!
I am in the throws of it again, and I am praying that it lets me go soon.
Devestation is the only word I can come up with, but even when land is devestated by storms or fires, it always grows back.
I am believing we are growing back as we speak.
July 1st, 2010 at 10:06 AM
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