Our Journey

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

9 Things I am Thankful for today

My dear Mrs.Kristin Clark “tagged” all of her blog friends on Facebook to write up nine things they are thankful for in their life on this day, 9/9/09. I thought it was the perfect challenge to myself, as I have been neglecting my blogging duties (not so much neglecting as avoiding on purpose).

So much has happened this month that has been negative in terms of infertility and trying to conceive. It seems like my DH and I have taken three great big steps backward in terms of starting a family, but I am fighting it with every morsel and grain of positivity I have left in my body. Some days, it doesn’t work, and my emotions take over…other days, I am overflowing with gratitude and humility for all I have been given. I think the trick is to revisit the things in your life that you are thankful for, even in the short-term.

When I am able to write a blog entry on where I’m at in my TTC journey currently, I will open my laptop, and let the words flow. For right now, I think I have writer’s block, and just don’t want to talk about. But, that day will come. For now…One.day.at.a.time. Without further ado…

9 things I am thankful for right now:

1) Our home. A long standing dream between my DH and I was to own our own home together. A place that we can call all our own, a place we could paint the walls and hang honeymoon photographs up on. We have always wanted a yard our furbabies could run around in, a patio to BBQ on, and beautiful family to share it with. We celebrated our 2 year anniversary of living in the brand new house we had built for us, and I couldn’t be more thankful for this haven we have put our love and energy in to. No matter where we vacation, who or what we see, we always gleefully march back into this place we call home.

2) Yoda and Gizmo. Yup, my furbabies. You guessed it! They are literally such a shining beam of light on DH and I every single day. They cheer us up when we’re down, snuggle with us on the couch, do goofy things to make us laugh, and love us unconditionally. They provide companionship for DH and I, and make us feel like we have a mini (very hairy) family already.

3) My health, in this day. Sure, I have PCOS and my ovaries are so lazy and cruel they make me want to punch their lights out sometimes, but I have my health. Today. Right now. I am breathing oxygen, and I woke up to another day. I think of how devastating infertility is to me, and I think of the irony between those who are very ill and me. I’m fighting to bring life into this world, and they are fighting for their own life. Let us be thankful for the health we are given.

4) Netflix. Okay, so you had to know a comical break was coming from me after all that heaviness! Seriously, though, I am thankful for Netflix. Maybe there are critics out there who knock movie watching versus reading books, and say it rots your brain…but luckily for that critic, I do both on a regular basis. I feel like Netflix has given me the opportunity to watch those movies I’ve always wanted to see and never can remember while standing in Blockbuster. It’s given me the opportunity to feel different character’s emotions, and escape into a story. It’s broadened my knowledge in culture, as well. I love the “Instant Watch’s” for dull nights, and I love Netflix. That is all.

5) Autumn. Autumn is hands down my favorite season, and my favorite time of year. If I could recreate the calendar year, it would be September-December only. I love how the weather changes, the air becomes crisp and the leaves change beautiful shades of colors that no one can seem to adequately describe using just the word, “red” (those leaves were vermilion and persimmon, okay?). Also, get  a load of all the events in chronological order starting on 9/8, going through 11/16: DH’s birthday, mother-in-law’s birthday, sister’s birthday, Mom’s birthday, our wedding anniversary, my birthday, brother’s birthday, father-in-law’s birthday. Phew. Autumn makes me the happiest girl in the world, though.

6) A healthy relationship/marriage. I was going to say that I am thankful for DH, but that would be an understatement, so instead I will say that I am very blessed to have a marriage based on such a strong and healthy foundation. DH and I are coming up on eleven years of being best friends. I see so many relationships around me fall apart, and see how their children are affected. It tears me up inside to see couples - both married and unmarried - crumble and fall apart. I thank God for such an incredible man in my life, and the ability for both of us to love each other unconditionally. It isn’t always easy, but time and time again, we come through.

7) My makeup/nail polish/beauty collection. I have a serious hobby in cosmetology and all things makeup and beauty. I wax my own eyebrows, do all my own intricate manicures, and do my own facials. What brings me the most joy is sharing my vast collection with others. I gave my Mom a complete “spa day,” at my house Saturday night where I gave her a manicure (complete with rhinestone nail art), dyed her hair, curled and styled it, and did her makeup for her. To see her eyes light up at all the nail polish possibilities, all the makeup possibilities…it made me realize that sometimes I take for granted all that I have. I need to start looking at my collection again, and letting my eyes light up when I see all I have. I am thankful for every piece I have that makes me feel pampered, artistic, and beautiful.

8 ) Freedom without limits/restrictions. This one is definitely an ode to infertility. While I may not be pregnant, while I may not be able to get pregnant on my own, or right now, I do have one thing that Mommy’s do not: Freedom. I can sleep in as late as I want to, I can go to bed when I want, I can drink that extra glass of red wine when I want, and I can leave the house to go to the store at the drop of a dime. I can use our money for things I want (see #7), and take vacations with DH. If you are thinking this sounds a bit hedonistic, you are probably correct…but only partly. Most Mommy’s I talk to do eventually miss these things once they have a baby, even if only once in awhile. I need to be thankful that I have these things in this moment, because one day when DH and I are blessed with a baby, my life will become my child.

9) Multiple talents. I feel like God has really blessed me with multiple talents in life. Some people are really great at one thing (see my DH with IT), and some people are great at multiple things they enjoy. I enjoy cooking, being a photographer, doing makeup/hair, web design/graphic design, and singing. Every single one of these things are actually things that people compliment me on regularly. This is not me patting myself on the back, or being an arrogant woman. This is me celebrating the fact that I can whip up a mean ricotta and spinach stuffed chicken or Bombay Curried Shrimp, do CSS for a website, take newborn portraits for a best friend, beat everyone at karaoke, and have people ask me how I did my nails/makeup. And, I am all one woman. We as women need to celebrate all that we are talented at more often. So many of us are multi-talented, yet don’t offer the world more than one of those.

I’ll close this post with a song I’ve been listening to a lot that has been empowering me on hard days…

” Cause I am a Superwoman
Yes I am
Yes she is
Even when I’m a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes
I’m a Super woman.”

-Alicia Keys, “Superwoman”